The Baby Business

A short while after we had finished our second round of IVF, 4 Corners on the ABC advertised an upcoming episode called the ‘Baby Business’. People were talking about it, we even had a friend text us about it in case we wanted to watch it.

We didn’t. Why watch on TV - something you have felt first hand. No thank you. I mean thanks….but no thanks.

So no surprise when a couple of nights after it aired, we decided to watch it!

Let me warn you, if you’re currently in the process or considering IVF and you are approaching 40, I will give you a heads up, this can be hard to watch. Viewing this is a little like holding a mirror to your face, reflecting your current story and could possibly end with a very heart-breaking story. For us it was a significant moment.

If you’re not in the over 40 age group but thinking you can rely on IVF later on down the track – consider this your warning!

You can watch the ‘Baby Business’ here:

https://www.abc.net.au/4corners/the-baby-business-promo/7449646

 The patients featured in this documentary are just like me. They could be me. They’re in their 40’s eating healthy organic food, downing their supplements and re-mortgaging their homes to have a child. They had been through 5+ rounds and absolutely nothing to show for it….but a lot of zero’s in their bank balance and a whole lot of heartache that cannot be healed.

These families are chasing their tails – getting one more fix – it’s almost like gambling at the pokies, I just need to do one more round – this one will pay off for sure! I know the odds are bad but the payoff is unreal! If we do it enough times we will get it. Phew! Except you’re gambling with your body, spiking it with a hormonal cocktail month after month.

The truth is they don’t provide you with the success rates when you start. Leo asked many times but never got a straight answer!

In the documentary we got the answer – wait for it…..for over 40 year olds the success rate is less than 3 % a month. A 97% chance of it not working per month!

At 12 minutes into the 4 Corners program a Professor and an early IVF pioneer- Rob Norman, claims something that I found to be true for me and could be, for a number of women in their late 30’s and early 40’s he says “…you may not need IVF in the first place and the phenomenon of the IVF treadmill is you just keep running on it and you can’t get off’.

THIS – THIS is why I believe that IVF is not right for everyone. You may not need it. I spent money, time and a hell of a lot of heartache pouring into a treatment that was not right for me. And once I got off that treadmill….I fell pregnant….naturally!

But at the time, watching this program, it was a very deep sob and a lot of sorrow that out poured from me and when I turned to look at Leo sitting next to me on the couch, I could see it was hitting him hard too.  As I sat looking at him, I felt massive guilt that I was putting him through this, you see I am 5.5 years older than him. If he was with someone his own age or younger, there was a good chance (in my mind) that he wouldn’t be dealing with this right now.

It was a massive ‘come to Jesus’ moment. A subject that had been on hold for the last month, we had not talked about ‘what next?’… but now the facts were being laid out in front of us with some very sobering statistics and a bleak outcome – for both the women on the show and for people like me watching it.

I didn’t talk to him during the program, I couldn’t and it took some courage to turn and look at him once the credits were rolling and say something. We spoke, I cried. Leo felt his suspicions about success rates were confirmed and I was in despair. I honestly thought that this could be the end of us. If I couldn’t have a child with him, was I taking away his right to have a child with someone else? Now I know that this is something that can really fire some people up...I can hear them saying, ‘Oh but if he really loves you it shouldn’t matter (with many exclamation marks following and looks of aghast expressions)... But I will throw this at you – if you really love someone shouldn’t you ‘let them be free’. Do you burden someone you love with something you cannot provide them but someone else could? Could I live with the forever guilt of holding back his own future happiness?

It’s a conundrum and that’s what we were in. A spiral of confusing thoughts that were all up in the   air and we had no idea what would spit down back at us…and who knew if we could catch the falling debris when it did eventually fall back down. It had been almost a month since our non- successful IVF round.

As they say in the documentary, at some point you need to decide when do you quit IVF?

The next morning still down about the statistics, I joined a friend on our morning walk and told her about our experience of watching the ‘Baby Business’. She was quite pregnant at this stage, prior to falling pregnant, she had always thought she would need IVF because she had a low AMI (Anti – Mullerin hormone) test results years earlier and was convinced she would have difficulty falling pregnant. (In fact she fell pregnant easily both times and has two gorgeous little girls).

Back to our walk….my friend listened to my concerns and said she had been on the phone the previous day to two of her friend’s - both who had watched the 4 Corners episode and were inconsolable. One of her friends had been trying longer than me and for her this last glimmer of hope had been smashed. She hit a new low, dreams were snuffed that night and reality crept in. (fast forward to now and she has since had a successful IVF donor egg pregnancy).

The thing is I have read and I can tell you from my own experience, that women want to try with their own eggs first, moving onto the concept of donor eggs is not a decision that is easily met. This is a decision her friend had to make after years of trying and unsuccessful IVF attempts.

To be honest, I think a lot of hearts were shattered that night from watching the “Baby Business” but maybe long term financial heartache was preserved?  Maybe it was a sucker punch we all needed to hear? Turns out that IVF for over 40’s isn’t the Holy Grail. With a 3% success rate, it’s not something we should rely on for our future. I can tell you I was never told these odds and I had no idea they were so low. Would you sign on that dotted line if you knew these odds? I don’t think I would. There is no ‘money back guarantee’ with IVF and they will take your money if you offer it and focus on the treatment rather than the odds. And I’m sure everyone one of those women that’s going against these odds, hopes they are the lucky 3%

On the night of watching the doco, we were left between a rock and a hard place - who knows maybe one day they will bring something new to the technology that can help with this? But right now the IVF Companies are owned by shareholders and are designed to make a profit back to these shareholders. Many women under 40, use IVF clinics every day to fall pregnant and a lot have been successful. I have met many a beautiful child that has come from a successful IVF round.

DISCLOSURE: I personally have frozen embryos stored, so I am not suggesting you discard the IVF process entirely and I am not saying it is NOT for you. IVF is a future option if you have tried and failed with your own eggs and want a donor egg (or sperm) or if you have frozen embryos from earlier rounds when you were both younger. But for the option for women over 40, using your own eggs, doing fresh rounds - the low stats are the stats.

In addition to this, if you are thinking you will rely on science to get you over the line in your 40’s to have your own DNA, your first port of call doesn’t have to be an IVF doctor! They are not the most reliable source of information on infertility when they have your money in their hands. IVF is not the only option for women who want to have their own child.

If you have tried everything and you are willing to use a donor egg or sperm, different scenario…..but this was not my scenario.

Too many women walk through the doors of IVF clinics without doing the research, without trying other options, without seeing if their issue is actually something that can be overcome in a different way. Do you have MTHFR? Do you have blood clots? Do you have a bacterial infection? Is the problem with your partner – not you?  If you have POCS – then treat POCS, if you have Endometriosis, don’t try to bypass it with IVF as a first option. If you have blood clots there are ways to treat this without going straight to IVF. Have you really dug into the real problem before accepting a referral to the IVF Clinic?

I feel like IVF is the first suggestion to come to mind when you haven’t fallen pregnant in your desired time frame. It shouldn’t be. Although GP’s serve a very important role in our lives and our communities, most are not specialised in fertility and writing a script to see an IVF clinic is not always the best firat option. As Professor Rob Norman claims …you may not need IVF in the first place.

I saw one GP when I was trying to conceive who told me I could only possibly fall pregnant every second month, as I only had one fallopian tube! I had to correct HER. So please take it from me to always push for what you think you need, research, ask for recommendations, referrals, question everything but most importantly – arm yourself with a reputable fertility naturopath. One who will question every aspect for you.

The outcome from watching the doco was this: we decided to park the IVF conversation and go back to basics.

So the matter was back in my hands and I dedicated everything I could to it.

I had already done all the physical hard work so now it was trying something new, I knew I had my diet right, I had all the supplements to support my egg reserve and my body was healthy. I was also getting past the Adrenal Fatigue hangover.

We upped the anti on detoxifying the house – cleaning chemicals were banished, no swimming in chlorine pools, keeping wifi at a minimum, I opened my bathroom cabinet and got rid of my expensive moisturisers and cleaners that were full of ingredients I couldn’t pronounce or spell.

I slowed down, started basic yoga and my holy grail – weeks after the documentary, I started Vedic Mediation….the icing on my fertility cupcake!

IVF expert Dr Rob Norman suggested in the Baby Business documentary that women need to understand their fertility window. I can tell you that I fell pregnant on what I thought was outside my fertility window that month. According to a Clear Blue Ovulation indicator, that window was closed two days earlier – yet somehow that was the month I fell pregnant and consequently 9 months later had a baby.

Coming up in future blogs I will touch on what a Fertility Naturopath is and what they do and why you need one in your life. when trying to conceive.

A lot more to come on this!

The Baby Business

How a 4 Corners Episode changed everything…